With the first Semi Final under the belt the Danes play host to yet another Eurovision spectacular this evening.

Hosts Nikolaj, Pilou (Kaspar from Borgen) and Lise will be on hand to take us through what’s said to be the weaker of the week’s offerings.

I said it before and I’ll say it again:

So, what can we expect on our tellyboxes from 8pm GMT/9pm CET tonight?

An utterly amazing Austrian

Have you heard Conchita Wurst sing? Well, have you?

Dana International is quaking in her boots.

Another helping of cake, courtesy of Belarus

Cheesecake, to be precise.

I’m still not over Latvia’s elimination. Not even Patrick Swayze and Jennifer Grey can console me.

All of the controversy, courtesy of Poland

We Are Slavic caused QUITE the stir on YouTube. You need only have a gawk to understand why.

Will they be getting up to those antics on stage?

A special contribution from the land Down Under

They’re MAD for Eurovision in Australia and send commentators every year but this time around they’ve actually decided to send a singer over.

Now, they’re not ACTUALLY competing, but Jessica Mauboy will be providing the entertainment between the singing and the voting.

An adorable dancing Irish child

Little Megan Geoghegan was plucked from obscurity (Bray) after she posted a 15 second video of her dancing on YouTube as part of the #JoinUs campaign’s hunt for people to err, join them, on stage on the night.

She’ll be the first dancer to take to the stage during the segment and will probably be the best Irish thing in Copenhagen.

And another bloody bodhrán

Can we just NOT? Fake tan and fellas dancing with giant bodhráns didn’t impress the juries last year and, if the insiders are to believed, doing it all over again with a girl singing instead isn’t going to do much for us this year either.

Throwing everything Irish but the feckin’ kitchen sink on stage will NOT win the Eurovision. A decent song might, if we’d ever consider allowing someone who wasn’t musically well connected have a go.

That said, they’re doing their best, and it’s definitely not the worst thing we’ve ever sent.

Catch all the action on RTE Two and BBC Three from 8pm.

Heaven knows I’ll be glued to the tellybox. Even if it’s just for another gawk at me new pal Pilou.

Is it just me or is @PilouAsbaek basically Ewan McGregor and Joshua Jackson’s Danish love child? #Eurovision #JoinUs pic.twitter.com/QdhVvSupn6

— Sarah Doran (@sarahisnothere) May 7, 2014

@sarahisnothere shhhhhhhhh

— Pilou Asbaek (@PilouAsbaek) May 7, 2014

@sarahisnothere it’s not official!! — Pilou Asbaek (@PilouAsbaek) May 7, 2014

Well, I mean if you insist Kaspar…